In The Process Of Breaking
by Loveless Melody
Summary: Hinamori Amu is infatuated with Tsukiyomi Ikuto. He was interested in her and they were in a relationship a year ago, but he's slipped out of her little fingers now. Suddenly, he's within arms reach again to love her forever or break her forever. AU
1. Chapter 1: Unbreakable

**Disclaimer: I do not own**** Shugo**** Chara or any of its characters, but I do own this storyline.**

-

_In The Process Of Breaking_

_My Loveless Melody_

-

Chapter One: Unbreakable

-

In such a large house, it feels like I'm all alone. I very well know that there are servants living in this house, but my boyfriend, Tsukiyomi Ikuto, made sure that I did not see them, speak to them, hear them, or any other kind of contact. He wanted me isolated.

No one except him even knows I exist in this world. My parents have either long forgotten me, or just never bothered to come see me. Not that they would be allowed to anyways.

I wasn't forced to stay this way. I had full freedom to leave if that was what I wanted. But I didn't.

Couldn't.

My feelings just wouldn't allow me to. I don't know why I stayed either. He told me I could go, but to never come back to him if I did. So I stayed for him. But he's never here. He never comes home. This house is more like my home than his. It's not a wonder he doesn't come home. I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating on me, and I know for a fact that he goes around screwing other girls. He didn't even bother to deny it.

He took me when I interested him, and now he threw me away. I still love him, but only a strand of hope permits me to think that he still loves me.

I gave up everything for him. My friends, my family, my dreams, and I even dropped out of high school because he told me to. He finished university and became a famous violinist in his own company, Easter. I would give the world for him and he knows it. Or at least I thought he did.

I threw away my life for him, and now I'm worthless. Yet I can't bring myself to regret anything but falling so deeply in love with him.

He never comes home, but just to keep my hopes alive, I always make dinner for him. The servants usually take it away before I wake up. It indicated that Ikuto didn't touch it.

Just like everyday, I would make dinner for him today too.

I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, but not before stopping at the front door, the only thing separating me and the rest of the world. Standing there, I stayed silent and then moved on to the kitchen.

Food had been spread out across the table like every other day by the silent servants. It's what they do. They take care of me from a distance. Because that's what they've been ordered to do.

I whipped up a small dinner for Ikuto since he probably already ate if he decides to come home. Wrapping it in cling wrap, I left it on the dining table for him. Without bothering to make something for myself as well, I returned to my room.

At 8:00 everyday, my own dinner would be left outside my room by the servants. Silently, without a trace of human-life ever occurring there except for a tray of food. That was how things worked around here.

I waited the rest of today for him, without a single complaint. I chose this, so I'll carry through. Like always, he didn't come. So I fell asleep like that. By myself. On the bed that felt his warmth a long time ago. Where I had felt his warmth, when he used to tell me that he loved me.

-

I woke up in the morning, on natural instincts. No light from no windows, no alarm clock, no servants, and most definitely not Ikuto. I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't let myself. I wanted to be strong. For him. But it wasn't that easy.

Some other girl out there is lucky to have Ikuto next to her when she woke up.

But I sucked it up and dealt with it. I have no right to complain. I have to follow through with my decision no matter what.

I got up and did what I do every morning. Brush my teeth, showered, and got dressed in the clothes prepared for me by the silent servants. A long white skirt and a pink tank top were draped on my bed.

I dressed myself quickly; ready to endure another day alone, in the home of my beloved.

Quietly, I went to the dining room and checked the food I had laid out. Like always, the dishes were gone and the plates were carefully placed back into the cupboards. He, of course, did not come back last night.

I sighed. I couldn't help but wish I had held on tighter when I still had him. I took granted of being of interest to him and I didn't think how easy it was to lose him.

He was smart, rich, and talented. Not to mention immensely pleasing to the eye.

And then there was me. Useless, horribly educated, jobless, a freeloader in her boyfriend's house, and utterly infatuated with someone who's never going to love her again. I wasn't even particularly beautiful or anything.

My golden honey eyes that had caught his attention when I had first met him had dulled over after I lost him.

I hate myself. Why am I like this? He was such a player and I knew this would happen. I was prepared for this. I was so sure I was. And now I'm here. Almost a year later. Still waiting for him.

He never smiled for me. It was always a mysterious smirk. He never failed to embarrass me. But he knew how to make me feel like I had the world in my hands. He was such an asshole sometimes. And he never said 'sorry'. Though I would always find myself forgiving him.

I wonder sometimes how I fell in love with someone like him.

Someone so different from myself.

Someone so perfect.

So unreal.

And a pain in the ass.

It's so easy to fall in love, but falling out of love proves to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to face in my life.

I couldn't hold on to him. It's all my fault. Because I'm not good enough for him...

How I wish to have him hold and caress me like before. But I'm not stupid. I know that he won't be back. I know that. Though I can't leave, because I'll never be able to bear the thought of letting him go entirely.

I wish someone would help me. Help me out of out of this world. Help me forget him. Help me leave my heart behind.

But even if I'm this hurt, I know what I feel for him is unbreakable.

**Tomoyo: This chapter is boring as hell and **_**really**_** short. It's just a ramble dedicated to Amu's feelings so you understand her character in my fanfiction. Cause honestly, she's pretty different here from the anime. It'll be way better when Ikuto comes in, so please just bear with me while it's still boring! This story is currently rated T, but chances are, I'm gonna start writing lemon and then it'll be rated M. I'd love to hear any ideas, opinions, grammar/spelling mistakes, constructive criticism or even something random about my story. Just place it all in a review and send it to me! :3**

Recommendation

Anime: D Gray-Man

_My recent addiction! It's really good though I know it was out a long time ago. The characters are awesome and everything's so unexpected. If you get bored, go check it out. 8D_


	2. Chapter 2: Traces of You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, but I do own this storyline.**

-

_In The Process Of Breaking_

_My Loveless Melody_

-

Chapter Two: Traces of You

-

Have you forgotten me yet, Ikuto?

Am I really that insignificant to you?

Do you feel nothing towards me anymore?

Did you receive the aching screams from heart?

Ikuto, have you heard?

I love you.

You know, you promised you'd be back nearly a year ago. Just because I'm in here all the time doesn't mean I'm oblivious to how long you've been gone.

You're a liar, you know that? But…I forgive you. Even if you don't return for another 10 years, I forgive you…Do you want to know why, Ikuto?

Because I love you.

I'll be here. You can't hear me right now, but when you do come back, I'll be sure to hold on to you tighter. So that you won't abandon me again…

It's lonely here. I want a companion. I want you. Come see me. Please?

I sat in that lonely room that I call mine. Waiting. Patiently. For what? For him. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. Why I chose this. To be honest, I don't have a reason. I stayed only because I needed him. I really needed him. To live. Otherwise, life would be a nightmare for me. I wouldn't have a heart.

I went downstairs into the living room. It was the first room you would see from the front door. I sat there waiting. Hoping for some miracle where he would suddenly walk through that door. If I can wait for him for the rest of my life, then I know that I really do love him.

The rest of the day was another boring, lonely day. I did everything I normally did. Really, there wasn't much to do but think. Think of him, of myself, and us. I hate being so weak and helpless, but the heart wants what it does, and even I can't change that.

-

One of my eyes cracked open slightly and I found myself in my bed. Alone, as always. A thick blanket still draped over me.

Its cold here, Ikuto. Won't you keep me warm?

His sharp, uncaring eyes flashed in my mind. They were always staring at me emotionlessly despite how passionately he embraced me. I didn't care how cold his eyes were, the warmth his body gave me was enough. But now I don't have his striking eyes _or_ his amorous warmth. Simply put, I had nothing.

I held the blanket closer to my face. Catching a familiar but distant scent, I inhaled deeply. My eyes fully snapped open.

Ikuto, have you remembered your promise?

Have you come to see me?

Have you realized I've been waiting?

Waiting all this time…for you…

I threw the blanket aside and immediately jumped out of bed. Ignoring my nude body, I ran towards his room. Knocking anxiously on his door, I waiting for it to open. But it didn't. I grabbed onto the handle and twisted it. It was…unlocked…?

I ran in without permission to do so, but my excitement got the better of me. My rapid beating heart pounded against my chest. Scanning the room for any hints of him recently being there, my heartbeat only quickened. I felt as if he would jump out at me any moment now, and hold me as if he had never been gone.

But I was wrong. So wrong. The room was untouched. Neat, organized, and nearly empty except for a few pieces of furniture that has always been there.

I bit my lip till it was the colour of a ripe strawberry. I blinked, and then collapsed to my knees. I ran my hands over my exposed arms, shivering. Holding myself together, I got up and quietly went back to my room for my daily routine. I tried my best to ignore the pain resonating in my chest.

After I came back out from my shower, I found that there weren't any clothes laid out for me. So I went to my closet and tested the handle. Unexpectedly, it was open.

Someone had came in here, opened my closet and didn't lock it. I didn't even know why it was always locked, but is wasn't like I had someone to ask so I just wore what I was given.

As I pulled open the doors, I recognized most of the clothing inside. I pulled out a simple white sundress, threw it on, and reclosed my wardrobe.

Truthfully, I hope it was Ikuto who came in here, placed the blanket around me, and opened my closet.

But what are the chances of that? Not likely.

I made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Abruptly stopping in the doorway, tears began to fall incessantly.

Ne, Ikuto, do you love me?

Would you have visited me if you didn't?

Is it safe to assume that you're back for me?

Or should I give up on you entirely?

Ikuto, please don't leave me here without an answer. Just tell me the truth. I won't hold anything against you and I won't hold you responsible for what happens to me, so please...just tell me.

I couldn't stop a small pathetic smile from crossing my face. No matter how much I wanted to stop, to walk away as if it didn't matter to me, I really just couldn't. What flowed out of my heart wasn't decided by me, but by my heart and what it desires. Though I couldn't help but want to have part of that control too. Maybe then I wouldn't be here.

The plates sat piled on the table with little traces of food left but still enough to identify what was previously in it.

Sitting next to it though, was a small piece of cartridge paper. Written on it in lovely cursive was just one word. _Ikuto_. One word, yet it pulled on my heartstrings.

A single white Calla Lily sat on top of the card. I giggled slightly at the sight.

My favourite flowers were Casablanca Lilies, but he probably forgot and thought they were Calla Lilies. But I couldn't care less right now. All that mattered to me was that he was here. So please tell me where he is.

I held onto the small piece of paper, studying the letters on it incapable of believing he was actually here.

Suddenly, I heard the front door open.

Ikuto! I moved towards the direction of the front door slowly, but soon precipitated into a dash.

My breath hitched and my lungs stopped working. I felt excessively fervent even though it was somewhat suffocating.

A flash of blue was seen as the door was closing, but it soon disappeared behind it.

No! Don't go! Ikuto...!

Daringly but swiftly, I grabbed hold of the door handle and held it in place with all my strength. I held onto as tight as I wished I had held on to Ikuto a year ago when I actually had the chance to hold onto him.

Another Calla Lily slipped through the gap between the door and the doorframe. It landed gracefully on the floor, lonely, but still beautiful. White and pure. I, however, have been soiled a long time ago.

"Please, don't leave..." My voice was a stranger to me. I haven't spoken in such a long time. To be honest, I just didn't have anyone to speak to.

But now I do have a reason to use it again. A purpose. A purpose to live. That is, if I can hold onto him...

I heard a small sigh from the other side. A part of me lit up with hope, while another part frowned from hearing such a depressing sound after getting caught by me.

"See ya." Then the door was pulled closed despite my efforts to keep it open. I wasn't able to hold on before, and I'm still not able to hold on now.

Something in my chest hurt, though I was pretty sure it was my heart. My weak, lovesick heart.

I suddenly lost all the strength I had before. My knees weakened and I lost the power to stand. I slid soundlessly to the cold floor and I sat there with my hands gripped tightly on my dress creating wrinkles that refuses to fade. With tears flowing from my eyes, I was alone and abandoned by my beloved.

Why do I cry so much?

Why can't I be strong?

You're cruel, Ikuto...To leave me all these things to keep you alive in my heart when I can't do anything to keep me in _your _heart. You're unfair. You're unfair, but you're lucky. You don't have anything holding you back from living. I don't even have anything to live for. But if you came back to me, I would be more than happy to live for you.

Right now though...Don't you realize that you're hurting me? Breaking me?

Does my pain amuse you?

Do you prefer torturing me than loving me?

Am I only an object to help pass time?

Am I so easily expendable that's it's nothing to lose me?

I want to be important to you. So don't leave me here again. With only two words to hold on to. Speak to me. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear you tell me you love me.

Tell me what I can do to make you love me again, Ikuto. Because I can't stop loving you.

You're hurting me so much with all these traces of you.

**Tomoyo: So, Ikuto made a very small appearance! He's gonna come in more and more with every chapter. There's alot of angst right now, but this story doesn't have a sad ending. It's happy! Or so I think. xD I'm trying my best not to rush through this story, so if things seem to be moving a little fast, please tell me and I'll slow it down. ^O^ I didn't proofread this chapter as much as chapter one, so if you find any mistakes, please tell me. T^T Cause honestly, grammar/spelling mistakes bug me alot. I think that if you're gonna write a story, write it well. I don't wanna give you all a story that looks like I don't care about it. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please review me because your support means alot to me! :3**

**OH! And go on my profile for a picture I drew of the scene when Amu found the card and Calla Lily! Amu's skin is a bit pale, but she hasn't been outside for a while so I didn't think it would make sense for her to have a warmer skin colour. D: I know it's not very good, but I tried my best so please don't be mean! T^T If you have any constructive criticism, put it in a review or PM me! ^O^  
**

Recommendation

Song: Namae no Nai Uta

_It's a VOCALOID song by Len Kagamine. It's such a pretty song and I heard it a while ago, but now I'm addicted to it all over again! Go listen to it if you have the time. It's really not that long but the tune is so sweet. ^o^_


	3. Chapter 3: A Time Called Forever

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, but I do own this storyline.**

_In The Process Of Breaking  
My Loveless Melody_

Chapter Three: A Time Called Forever

* * *

I'll wait for him forever. I want to be with him forever. Even if that forever will only last for days, hours, minutes, or seconds. I want to be in that forever...with him.

Am I being selfish?

There's nothing special about me, but I want him to choose me over all of the other beautiful girls out there. Is it wrong to hope? To wish? To obsess?

Someone...please answer me...because I don't understand. Am I doing something bad? Am I a nuisance? I'm only human. And all humans yearn to be loved by the ones they love. But to yearn for love to this extent...Is it wrong?

I won't sleep. I won't leave. I won't lose hope.

When he returns once more, in maybe weeks, months, or even years, I don't want to lose that chance again. Not again.

Ikuto came back yesterday. His voice told me so. He left with me two Calla Lilies. They were white and stunning. I put them into a small periwinkle coloured vase and filled it with water. I only hope that they do not wilt before he is back.

I sat on the stairs before the front door, leaning onto the wall beside it. The old, but elegant, grandfather clock read 11:57. It was nearly midnight.

I longed to get a glimpse of the stars glittering with freedom in the midnight sky.

But I yearned for something else much, much more.

I desired a man with sapphire hair and striking pale iris eyes. I needed him so much that my entire existence depended on him.

The hand on the grandfather clock struck 12:00. The loud ringing soon sounded. I sat there, impassive. I've never needed emotions that weren't triggered by Tsukiyomi Ikuto.

The ringing soon faded away and the time it now read was 12:01.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

And time was running normally, yet it felt like perpetuity. The hushed sound was my only companion right now. It spared me the loneliness of the taunting silence with its soft, quiet, and somehow comforting ticking.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

More seconds went by, but my hope didn't die. Seconds were naught compared to the period of time I've waited before. The myriad months that wilted my heart and faith.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

I felt more impatient and intolerant than I could remember ever feeling before. I kept telling myself that this was nothing and that I have to wait. But I had such an urge to see him I nearly cried out in frustration. However, I reminded myself that I couldn't. If I were to be impatient, quick-tempered, and rattle-pated, Ikuto would never stand for it. I'd lose him before I'd even had him. He'd be gone with the blink of an eye. Out the door into another women's arms. So for that reason, I'm obligated to be patient.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

That's when the gods above decided that my wish shall be granted for once in forever.

12:02

Abruptly, the door opened. Then closed. Every movement was nearly soundless.

My eyes widened towards the figure.

Standing there, in full glory, was Tsukiyomi Ikuto. An almost unnoticeable shocked expression graced his face, but that expression soon melted away into his regular impassive face.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" He asked rudely, but to me, I was ecstatic to hear anything come from him.

I opened my mouth to respond, however, I could make no words form. I was silent with my voice caught in my throat.

"Answer me." He demanded without a very demanding tone.

I managed to squeak out a quiet "Sorry" but that was all.

He sighed loudly. "Whatever. Leave if you want to. I'm going. See ya." With a flick of his wrist motioning a wave, he opened the front door. But I latched onto him before he could step outside.

"Wait!" I pleaded. "Don't go. Please...Don't go. If you're angry with me, hit me. Do whatever you'd like to me, but please...stay." I knew I sounded as desperate as I felt.

"Why? Weren't you about to leave just now?" Ikuto asked sounding annoyed.

I shook my head imperceptibly. "I was waiting for you. In chance that you might come." I whispered shyly. "So don't leave...Please?" My voice kept cracking and I wasn't a very pretty sight right now, but a strand of hope left me pleading.

Reclosing the front door, he shook me off of him and leaned against the wall.

"What are you still doing here anyways? I thought I dumped you a year ago." His sharp words stung me like ice. Piercing my heart and my small glimmer of hope.

I hung my head down, covering my eyes with my bangs. "Ikuto...please don't say that..." A tear splattered on my lap. "I'd do anything for you."

Another heavy sigh came from him and he muttered some incoherent words before replying in an audible tone. "I guess I'll have to settle for you tonight. Come on."

"Thank you." I breathed out, following him like a pet cat. I gained no reply, but I was happy enough as is. I didn't mind if he didn't look at me as an equal as long as he looked at me. A simple glance from him was enough to satisfy me. Asking for more would be selfish and I would hate to anger him.

I followed Ikuto looking at nothing but his broad back that hid everything from me. But I liked it this way. I preferred a world where all I saw was him. That would be a dream for me, and most likely many other girls who've met him or even just laid eyes on him.

Before I knew it, we were in his room. His untouched, nearly empty, cold, gloomy room. It wasn't very homely as you could tell immediately that no one had been here for months. With the exception of me rampaging in yesterday of course.

Ikuto walked around me, closed the door and locked it with a _click_.

Grabbing me by the wrist, he dragged me to his large bed and almost violently threw me on it. He crawled above me and soon as I hit the soft mattress. I could feel my heart thumping within my chest, beating harder than ever.

The intense stare from his stunning irises warmed up my cheeks as red weaved through them.

"Amu...you'll have to satisfy me tonight, understand?" He asked in a quiet, husky voice. I nodded obediently and whispered out a "Yes".

He smirked. "Good girl."

I was in pure bliss. It wasn't a very innocent bliss, but it was bliss nonetheless. I couldn't have asked for anything more and it would've broke my heart a second time if I have to give any of this for less. I could've sworn this was a dream, but I wouldn't want to ruin this by thinking it was.

His hands roughly tore my nightgown apart. The thin fabric tore like paper in his grip exposing my delicacy to him.

"Moan for me, Amu." The words were delivered with his breath tickling my ear.

Not a moment later, his tongue flicked my neck and the moan that he requested for escaped my lips. Light butterfly kisses were trailed down my neck to my exposed breasts.

Ikuto began sucking on my breast skin. He kept sucking harder and more pleasurable noises fluttered from my mouth. I flushed red from both the heat of the moment and the embarrassment of being driven this way after such a long period of solitude.

I could tell a dark, visible hickey was left on my breast.

His mouth, however, did not take a break. It settled itself on my nipple, which was hardening quickly with pleasure. It didn't take long for it to turn into a little pebble. As he moved onto my other breast, his hands came into action as well.

I stiffened as Ikuto's finger traced the outline of my clit slowly while he was still working his magic on my nipple.

The first finger slipped in.

"Uhh!" I gave a moaned followed by a gasped in revelation. He removed his mouth from my breast and chuckled in clear amusement.

"Amu, you're not a virgin if I remember correctly. I took you before didn't I?" His tone was seductive and so was his expression. I nodded in reply unable to find the voice that had just decided to abandon me.

"Then this shouldn't hurt all that much." A second finger entered.

I flinched.

"Let it out, Amu. I want to hear your cries." He ordered.

"Please..." I whispered.

"Please what? Please stop? Please continue?" He smirked at the frustration that gathered on my face.

"Please stop teasing me." I replied in the most confident manner I could bring out in such a situation.

A third finger crept in.

And with that, the three fingers started pumping in and out. In and out. Repeatedly.

"I-I-Ikuto!" His name leaked from my mouth. "I-I can't hold it anymore!"

"I never asked you to. Come." He sounded strained, but calm.

I released everything. I could feel it burning as it all leaked out. Ikuto pulled out his fingers covered in my cum. Bringing it up to my mouth, he slid his cum covered fingers across before holding it above my mouth, daring me to taste my own desiring pleasure.

My tongue flicked across them, licking a bit off his fingers. I felt immensely embarrassed, but I continued slowly cleaning my cum off his fingers until there was nothing left.

"Now, shall I make you _really_ scream in ecstasy?" Ikuto's voice was low, mellow, and clearly horny. His beautiful eyes were looking directly into my honey-golden ones.

"Mhmm..."

"Don't you dare to hold anything in. I'll bite you."

I grew red and looked away from him. His chuckle was dark and sexy. It wasn't hard to notice that he took joy in my embarrassment.

Ikuto snaked one arm underneath me, forcing me to slightly arch my back. His free hand pushed open my legs. He positioned himself properly on me, prepared to enter at any given time.

"Ready?" He asked me as he eyed my open clit in lust and desire.

"Mhm..." I replied.

Without a moment of hesitation, Ikuto rammed himself into me.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. With the hand he used to part my legs, he took my hands and draped them around his neck.

His second plunge caused me to pull mercilessly at his hair. If my grip hadn't been so tight, the silk strands would've slipped through my fingers.

He kept going again and again, until he released inside of me. It felt amazing. Some of Ikuto's cum was dripping down my thighs and onto the bed sheets. I felt kinda bad for the poor maids that would have to clean this up. But maybe I could do it instead. Anything to pay Ikuto back for this night.

My hands slipped from his neck to around his waist. He collapsed sideways, pulling me into him. I responded by hugging him back as tightly as I could.

"You wanna sleep here or should I take you to your room?" His voice muffled by my hair.

"Here." My voice was dry and my throat hurt from screaming. But that was the highlight of my year and I wouldn't have given it up for anything in the world. Ikuto was the only thing I wanted in the whole world. Or to put it simply, he _was_ my world.

"I'm gonna go shower. I'll come back later. You go to sleep first." He whispered.

"You won't leave right?" I asked, panicked. My eyes searched his face for his intentions.

"I'll come back later. You go to sleep first." He only repeated. His hand brushed my eyes close and gently pushed me away. Getting off my bed, he headed into the bathroom.

I heard the door close loudly. Waiting a few moments first, and then the tears came. My eyes remained closed, but the droplets leaked out from the corners of my eyes, running down my cheeks and soaking the pillow my head was rested on.

Why did I cry?

Because I just knew that he wouldn't be back. He never means what he says.

He was a liar. And that I did not expect to change.

No matter how many times he comes back.

He'll always be irresponsible, manipulating, shrewd Ikuto.

I was soon overcome by sleep and the darkness brought me away from my sorrows. All I can do now is hope that Ikuto will be by my side when my eyes open. Being hopeful is my specialty. Though most of the time, it fails me.

* * *

My eyes quietly flew open.

...Ikuto...?

He...wasn't there. As expected.

The bed was cold and still soiled from last night's session. He never returned.

I sighed and got out of bed. I went back to my room and found a dress with a light pastel purple top and a periwinkle mid-calf skirt sitting on my bed. Unattached periwinkle sleeves accompanied it and a white ribbon ran around the top of the sleeve and below the breast on the dress. I quickly threw on the garments quickly and then left.

I ripped the bed sheets off Ikuto's bed and replaced them with a clean sheet I found in a supply closet near my room. I dropped the sullied sheet into the tamper for the maids to wash. After making sure Ikuto's room was as spotless as it was before we used it, I headed downstairs for breakfast that the servants should have made by now.

When I got downstairs, breakfast had been laid out on the dining table on the usual chinaware. The room was empty, with no signs of anyone else being here. Ikuto had left, clearly.

Now it was back to me, myself, and I. A sigh escaped my lips as I sat down.

I took a few bites of my scrambled eggs, but I lost my appetite quickly and that resulted in me sitting there in silence for a while.

"It's not good for your health if you don't eat properly." A voice drawled out.

My head snapped in the direction from which the voice came from. "Ikuto!"

"Yeah?" He replied.

"You didn't leave!" I exclaimed in shock.

"I think your lack of nutrients have affected your memory. If I remember correctly, last night I said 'I'll come back later'. Am I wrong?" His tone was half serious and half joking. I couldn't tell which it was, but I just shook my head. "Then why so surprised?"

Because you said that last time and you came back one year later. But of course, I couldn't say that. "Why didn't you leave? I'm sure you have better girls waiting for you."

"You want me to leave? This_ is_ my home you know."

"No! That's not what I meant!"

"Then what_ did _you mean?"

"Exactly what I said."

Ikuto gave a low chuckle. "Your body is still useful to me so I don't have any reason to find some whore to fuck."

A small smile made its way up to my face.

"Ikuto, I love you." I whispered.

"I know. All girls do. You're just another one of those girls to warm up my bed." He stated in a carefree manner.

"I don't mind if you think of me like that. Just as long as I have some place, no matter how small, in your eyes. If you'll stay, then I have no problem with however you treat me." I said. And really, that's how I felt.

"Fine. But don't expect anything more from me because you won't get anything but simple pleasure, Hinamori Amu." He replied.

I blushed from his words, but responded nonetheless. "I know. Nothing else."

Why didn't I mind his insults?

Because...

This was the beginning of my forever...

And when this forever will end...

I didn't care...

For now, I'll just enjoy his presence.

**Tomoyo: So there's my crappy excuse for a lemon. It's my first one so flame me if you must, but really, I had no experience with writing those kinds of scenes. As you probably noticed, there's more romance getting involved, but you can't have romance without a little bit of drama so expect some of that soon too! :3 Like always, if you spot grammar/spelling mistakes, I'd appreciate it if you pointed them out to me! Any pointers would be great too!**

**Also, I'm sorry for the long wait. I had writer's block when it came to the lemon scene, but I finally got down to it and wrote garbage. Really sorry about that! I'm also stressed out with grad coming up and all. I'm being drowned in homework. D:**

**I drew a picture of Amu's clothes and it's on my profile. The face style is traced off a picture I found on the internet, so please dun come running to me yelling 'you didn't draw this!' because I'll just tell you 'yes, yes I did.'. I tried a more detailed style of hair this time and I'm positive that it looks WAY better. :3 Also, I tried to make her eyes look like actual gold, so tell me what you think about that.**

**Now I'm done blabbering like a chatterbox. I talk too much. Sorry again for the two month delay! I'll try to update WAY faster this time cause schools gonna end soon anyways.**

Recommendation

Book: Still Alice

_Okays, all I have to say is wow. This book is amazing and the point of view is so powerful and believable that it's just incredible. I personally don't think it's that long, so if you have the time, go pick it up. The author is Lisa Genova. :3_


	4. Chapter 4: The 'Silent Servants'

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or any of its characters, but I do own this storyline.**

_In The Process Of Breaking  
My Loveless Melody_

Chapter Four: The 'Silent Servants'

* * *

"Miss, please wake up," A small, high voice said.

I yawned and sat up, rubbing sleep away before fully opening my eyes. But when I did, I saw a little girl with extremely long, wavy blond hair, amber eyes, small face, and was _completely_ adorable.

If she wasn't wearing a maid uniform, I would've thought that a little princess had sneaked into my room.

Wait...

A maid uniform...?

No, wait...

There was someone else here?

My eyes widened in realization.

"Umm...excuse me?" I asked stupidly.

"Miss, it's very late. It's almost afternoon. Ikuto-sama asked me to fetch you," Ikuto did...?

"But who are you?" I asked curiously.

"Miss, I'm your maid. I'm the one who leaves you clothes everyday. I'm also the one who watches over you all the time in case you're hungry," She replied. "Although you don't know me yet, I'm very fond of you and your affection for Ikuto-sama."

"What's your name? And why do you keep calling me 'Miss'?" There was so much I wanted to know. She was the so-called 'silent servant' that I had always known about but never really knew about.

"Miss, my name is Rima. Mashiro Rima. Address me as whatever you please. And I call you 'Miss' because you're Ikuto-sama's current girlfriend. It's only natural and as well necessary," She answered in a formal matter.

"Rima, it's not that necessary. Amu is fine, since being called 'Miss' actually makes me a little nervous. It's too formal to what I'm used to," I smiled a little.

"I'm afraid I can't. I'm only a maid. Being on first name bases with my mistress would show nothing but disrespect," Rima bowed her head and curtsied. "Miss, if you have no more questions, I shall help you dress now."

"I can dress myself. It's alright Rima," I told her.

"Miss, please, it's not right to let you do it yourself. I wasn't allowed to before, but I want to be as useful as I can to you! So please let me!" She pleaded. I knew exactly what it felt like to desperately want something.

"Alright then. I want to talk with you more anyways, Rima," I answered.

"Thank you, miss!" A cute smile spread across her face, reaching her eyes with delight. "Ask me anything you like! I'll answer what I can!"

She flung open the doors to my wardrobe. Pulling out a knee length blue dress and white flats, she gestured for me to come closer.

Rima helped me remove my current clothes and put the blue dress on.

"Um...Are there any other maids or servants who live here? I couldn't imagine you taking care of me and this mansion all by yourself," I asked.

"Well, there is one other who you might meet later on. Unfortunately, I can't say more than that without permission from Ikuto-sama," She replied.

"Has Ikuto ever come back before yesterday and the time he gave me the Calla Lilies?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

"I'm sorry...I'm not permitted to say," She said guiltily.

"Okay...Do you know why Ikuto wouldn't let me leave the house? Or why he just suddenly disappeared for so long without clearly breaking up with me?" I continued with my questions.

"I-It's better if you asked him that personally. I don't think I'm the right person to tell you why," Rima bit her lip before slipping the flats onto my feet.

"I guess there isn't much Ikuto will let me know, eh?" I sighed.

"I'm sorry I can't say much..." A sad expression graced her face as she went to fetch some things off my nearly empty vanity table.

"Do you know when Ikuto will be leaving again?" I asked sadly.

Rima looked at me for a moment before answering. "I don't think he'll leave again anytime soon." Then she applied some lip-gloss and blush onto my face.

"Well, I shouldn't keep my hopes up. Though I do have a knack for doing it anyways," I said jokingly.

"Miss, Ikuto-sama told me to give this to you," Rima reached into the pocket of her apron and pulled out a necklace with a beautiful sapphire pendant. She put it on me, leaving the stone to fall around my neck. "Ikuto-sama would like you to join him for breakfast. He'll be in the dining room. Would you like me to escort you down?"

"I'll be alright by myself. Thank you Rima," I smiled at the little angel-like girl.

"I'll be out for a few hours, but I'm sure you'll be fine with Ikuto," With that, she rushed out of the room and out of sight.

I giggled slightly before making my way downstairs to the dining room where Ikuto was waiting.

* * *

"Good morning, Amu." A smirking Ikuto sat at the dining table watching me from the moment I entered.

I smiled at the sight. "Good morning, Ikuto." I replied.

Two identical plates of eggs, toast, bacon, and mashed potatoes sat in front of Ikuto and in front of an empty chair. It was most likely made by Rima.

I sat down across from Ikuto.

"Thank you for the necklace," I said, fumbling with the sapphire stone.

I felt a little unnerving after not seeing him for so long and now the sudden casual situation. It was just something I wasn't used to.

"Glad you like it," The smirk still in place, not a change in feature.

I started eating as an awkward silence took place. I looked up at Ikuto. He hasn't touched his food, but the smirk was still there as he watched me.

"Is there something amusing?" I asked carefully, studying his unchanging expression.

"Yes," He answered simply.

"Um...What is it?" I questioned cautiously.

"You," He answered as his smirk widened. I looked at him confused.

Finally, his sly expression dropped and he looked at me questioningly. "Why are you acting so nervous? You weren't like this before."

"I'm sorry," I apologized before looking down and continuing to eat.

Ikuto frowned. "Why are you apologizing?"

"..."

"Amu, don't you want to ask me anything?" He asked when I didn't answer his previous question.

I froze. For some reason, I wasn't as open about asking _him_ questions as I was with Rima. "Um...N-no...Not Really..."

"Amu,"

"Y-yes?"

"You're not afraid of me, are you?"

"..."

He sighed loudly. "Amu, I'm not going to hurt you."

Unconsciously, I mumbled quietly to myself. "You hurt me before..."

"What are you talking about? I've never hurt you." He heard me. Shit.

I bit my lip, unable to reply. I couldn't tell him what I thought. If I upset him, he might leave again. I have to hold on to him...Or else I'll lose him again.

"Amu, say something," He urged.

"..."

"Amu," He raised his voice slightly.

"Y-you..." I began but couldn't quite finish.

"Say it," He demanded. I could tell he was trying to not get frustrated with me. I could tell that he already was.

"You didn't hurt me physically..." I said quietly.

"What do you mean?" He asked in curiosity.

I finished up my eggs and proceeded in continuing. "You hurt me emotionally when you left. You said you would come back, but you never did. You lied to me..."

"Amu, I've lied to you tons of times. What made this time any different? You must have figured I wasn't coming back after a month or so," He replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I was on the verge of tears. I knew it wasn't the first time, but he didn't have to throw it in my face like that...

He sighed once again. "Okay, fine. That was insensitive of me. I'm sorry. I didn't_ lie _to you, I just didn't _tell_ you anything."

"No, I'm sorry," I apologized. "I should have been prepared for that. It's my fault for being so emotional about it. I was too blind to see the truth when it was right in front of me. I just couldn't accept it."

"What does it have to do with now? Why bring this up now?" He questioned irritably.

"B-because...I-I'm afraid that when you leave again, I won't have the power to keep waiting," I stuffed a spoonful of mashed potatoes into my mouth to prevent pitiful sobbing.

"What makes you think I'll leave again?" Ikuto asked with a frown on his face.

"It's okay. You don't have to lie to me anymore. I'm not stupid anymore. I know what's gonna happen. I'm just scared that when it happens, I won't be able to cope," I said, trying to maintain a normal tone. I didn't want to crack. I wanted to be stronger than that.

"You're not stupid. Just gullible," He commented. I smiled a little, knowing it was true.

"How about this," He began and I listened. "This time, if I plan on leaving like that again, I'll tell you I won't be coming back. I won't cover the truth again."

I nodded slightly in agreement. "Okay. I can live with that."

After that, we finished our breakfast with small, but natural, conversations. I tried to laugh as much as I could to hide the pain that still lingered in my heart.

* * *

"Amu, stay here for a moment," Ikuto ordered. I simply nodded my head in reply.

Ikuto walked upstairs and I watched him from where I sat in the living room.

This just felt so strange. Just yesterday, I had been alone and in pain. It was complete solitude. I would have never expected to see him again, but now things were different. He was just upstairs and I even made a friend today.

The front door was visible from the couch I sat on, and yet I felt no need or desire to go through it. Whereas yesterday, I had to fight my longing to leave.

Everything just felt like a dream. A wonderful, blissful dream. And everything was perfect.

_Click._

"Miss, I'm back," A small, high pitched voice spoke. Standing by the doorway was Rima, grocery bags occupied her hands.

"Here, let me help you with those. They must be heavy." I offered to her as she seemed to be struggling with the numerous bags.

"N-no! I'm fine! I can handle it," Even though she spoke comforting words, I could see the bags straining her hands white. "Don't trouble yourself for my sake. Ikuto-sama would never approve."

I grabbed a few bags from her hands. "Don't worry about it. I live here too, so I should do my fair share of work," I sent Rima a smile to reassure her. "Come on."

I walked into the kitchen with Rima tailing along behind me. My little sister, Ami, used to follow me around just like that too...A regretful smile graced my face as I was reminded of the reminiscence.

Together, we organized the groceries into the refrigerator and the cupboards. I stuffed the plastic bags into a drawer once we finished.

"Um...Miss, thank you for helping me!" Rima bowed towards me.

"I-It's no problem. Don't think so much of it. You're my friend, aren't you? And friends are supposed to help each other, right?" I reached out my hand to her. "Let's head back to the living room. I'm supposed to be waiting there for Ikuto."

The most innocent smile reached her face as she took my hand eagerly. "Okay!"

Every movement she made reminded me of Ami's actions. Her energy, her innocence, and most of all, her smile.

We soon reached the living room where I was told to wait and where I was supposed to be. Well, before I left to help Rima.

"Amu-chi! Amu-chi! Amu-chi!" A childish voice screamed out. Before I knew it, there was a little girl with Portland orange hair and chocolate brown eyes hugging me. Her arms wrapped around my waist. She was a little taller than Rima though her childish face told me differently for her age.

"Yaya! It's impolite to call your mistress by her first name," Rima scolded the girl.

"N-no, I don't mind." I said, still confused of the situation.

"See Rima-chi? It's fine!" The orange haired girl said. She sure seemed carefree. The total opposite of Rima from I've seen.

"But still!" Argued Rima.

"Rima, forget it. It's not like this is a public event anyways," Hearing his voice, I turned around to see Ikuto standing behind me.

"Ikuto!"

"Yo."

I had a surprised look on my face as I continued to stare at him. Hearing his amused chuckle, I quickly snapped out of it.

"Amu, this is Yuiki Yaya. She's childish and usually a pain in the ass," Ikuto introduced.

"Ikutooooo! That's mean! Yaya is very cute!" Yaya spoke referring to herself in third person.

"No, Ikuto-sama is right. You're a pain when you don't listen which is quite often," Rima spoke up.

"Rima-chi! You're so mean to Yaya too!"

I giggled out-loud, earning me stares.

"Yaya, it's nice to meet you. I'm Amu," I smiled lightly as I introduced myself.

"Of course Yaya knows who you are, Amu-chi! Yaya watches you everyday!"

"Yaya, you just made yourself sound like a stalker," Ikuto commented.

"Rima-chi does it too!"

"Please don't include me in your stalker tactics."

I laughed at Rima's completely straight face as she spoke.

Then Ikuto suddenly coughed loudly, gaining himself our attention. "Okay, so now that we all know each other..." His voice faded out and he pulled me into his chest. A squeak escaped my lips.

Rima, quickly getting the point made a quick excuse to leave. "Um...I'm gonna go clean up the second floor a bit."

"Eh? But Yaya just finished cleaning it!" Yaya exclaimed.

"Well, then we should have a talk about the disrespectfulness of addressing your mistress by her first name!" Rima urged.

"Why?" Yaya complained in a whiny voice. "Ikuto said it was okay, didn't he?"

"Yaya! Just come with me!" Rima grabbed wrist and quickly dragged her upstairs.

"Um...Ikuto?"

"Yes, Amu?"

"Are you...possibly...groping me?"

"Yes. Yes, I am, Amu."

I blushed at his answer. Then Ikuto suddenly sat down on the couch, dragging me along with him and onto his lap. Without a second thought, he pushed me off his lap and I landed beside him on the couch.

"Um...is something wrong?" I asked feeling a little hurt.

He crawled on top of me, with an arm on either side of my body. His right hand reached up and settled at the back of my head.

"Nope. Absolutely nothing" Then he leaned down and kissed me.

It was rough and forceful, but I didn't mind. I opened up my mouth slightly and he immediately shoved in his tongue. I grabbed hold on his shirt, pulling him down onto me. The kiss deepened and he was marking every inch of my mouth his territory, flagging it with his saliva.

"Amu," He whispered with his mouth still on mine.

My tongue flicked against his and I tried to get into his mouth.

"Yaya! Get back here!" I heard a voice that sounded like Rima's yell.

"No! Yaya wants to talk with Amu-chi some more!" Now that was definitely Yaya.

"Yaya! Don't go down there!" Rima ordered.

"Why no-" Yaya's sentence cut off.

"Because Ikuto-sama wants to be alone wi-" Another cut-off.

I gently pushed at Ikuto's chest. He understood and lifted himself off of me. But despite obeying, he had a really irritated expression on his face.

I heard him mutter something along the lines of 'I told you Yaya's a fucking pain in the ass' but I pretended not to hear him.

"I'm so sorry, Ikuto-sama!" Rima exclaimed, bowing down her head. "I tried to stop her, but she was too fast...I'm terribly sorry. Please forgive me!"

"Damn it, Rima! You couldn't even keep her upstairs for 5 fricken minutes?" Ikuto harshly said. I felt bad for Rima that she had to take responsibility everytime Yaya didn't listen.

Rima, who had unspooled tears in her eyes, clearly scared. Yaya looked like a child who was just caught trying to steal a cookie from the cookie jar before dinner.

"Ikuto, it's okay. It's not entirely their fault," I tried to reason.

"Amu, shut up." He said rudely, his voice filled with irritation.

I bit my lip, debating with myself with what I should do. I hugged him suddenly, surprising myself with my boldness. "U-um...W-we can continue t-tonight, right?"

He gently pushed me away abruptly stood up.

"Fine," He agreed. "But I'm going out for a while."

As we began walking away, I grabbed onto his arm and clung on tightly. "Are you...going to..."

Ikuto knelt down in front of me, cupping my face gently with his right hand. "I'm coming back tonight." He said, ignoring my unfinished sentence. I nodded silently and unravelled my arms from his.

With that, he left without another word.

* * *

"Yaya's sorry Amu-chi!" The over-energetic girl apologized.

"It's okay," I replied. "It's my fault for acting without thing."

"Yaya, you never listen! I told you not to go down there," Rima scolded. She sighed before apologizing to me for the hundredth time.

The three of us were in my room, sitting on my bed, looking as depressed as ever. About half an hour ago was when Ikuto left, and now we were here talking.

"Yaya can't help it! Yaya was very happy to meet Amu-chi! Yaya's always wanted to talk to her! It's not fair! Even Rima-chi got to talk to Amu-chi this morning!" Yaya complained childishly.

"But now you've gone and made Ikuto-sama angry! Miss had to get involved because of your childish behaviour!" Rima replied angrily.

"It's okay. Really. I'm not mad. I just hope Ikuto is okay," I said gently, hoping to calm the two down.

"Yaya's still really sorry Amu-chi! Yaya will try to listen next time..." She looked at me, feeling guilty. I just smiled gently in response.

"Yaya, what did I tell you about first names?" Rima asked irritably.

"Rima, I really don't mind. In fact, I'd prefer it if you _both_ were to call me Amu," I told her.

"But Ikuto sai-"

"Ikuto said that it was okay as long as it wasn't at a public event, remember? So please, Rima?" I asked. To be honest, the whole 'Miss' thing was a little too uncomfortable and awkward for my liking.

"O-okay, Amu-sama."

I sighed. "Well, that's close enough."

"Rima-chi!" Yaya cried out. "Yaya's hungry! Yaya wants candy!"

"Yaya! You don't eat candy when you're hungry!" Rima scolded her. "I'll go make you a sandwich. Stay here."

"Fine..." Obeyed the little disappointed girl.

Rima sighed. "Fine. If you eat your sandwich, I'll bake some chocolate chip cookies for you tomorrow."

"YAY!" Yaya cheered happily at the compromise.

"Mis-I mean Amu-sama, are you hungry? Should I make you something to eat as well?" Rima asked politely.

"Yes please, Rima. Would you like some help?" I offered.

"No thank you. If it's not too much to ask, could you stay here and talk with Yaya? Hopefully, she won't have such an urge to afterwards and today's mishap won't happen again," Rima requested.

I gave her a sweet smile. "Of course."

She was just like a little angel, a little sister, yet still so different from Ami. And I could tell that I was going to grow even more attached to her later.

And then there was Yaya. Almost like a baby, but so bold and happy.

"Amu-chi! Do you like candy?" Yaya randomly asked.

"Um...sure!" I answered.

"What kind of things did you like to do before you met Ikuto?" She asked yet another completely random question.

"I loved to paint and sketch."

"Did you play any sports? Yaya loves races!"

"No, actually I was pretty horrible at them. I tried to avoid doing any type of sport whenever possible."

"Really? Where'd you learn to cook? Yaya sees you do it for Ikuto everyday! Yaya's always wanted to try some, but Rima always yelled at me when I asked if I could taste some..." She pouted as she spoke.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I'll cook something for you one day. Rima too. How does that sound?"

"YAY!"

We spoke more about me, about her, and about anything really. Once Rima returned, we continued to ask questions, and talk about silly things. The atmosphere felt like we've known each other since forever, but in reality, it's been less than a day.

* * *

At around 2:00 in the morning, Ikuto came back. I waited for him by the door steps. In all honesty, I wondered if he would actually come back.

That night, we embraced each other in pleasure. He didn't seem angry anymore, and I was glad he wasn't. After several rounds, Ikuto left to shower just like last night, and I fell asleep on his bed, alone.

**Tomoyo: Okay, you're all probably wondering what the hell took so long, right? Yeah... I know I didn't get the chance to mention is, but I was kinda on vacation for the whole first month of summer vacation. I just got back about a week ago and I took a look at the chapter and I had...**_**maybe**_** 200 words. I sat there and I was like "I so have to update before its past 2 months". So, for the past few days, I sat here and wrote like crazy. I last updated June 18th, and today it's August 18th. :3**

**And another thing I want to say...CHYEAH`! I'm starting to get back on my regular length for my chapters. I used to write 4000 word chapters and lately I've been **_**struggling**_** to write a mere 2000! I was like 'What the hell happened?' But now I'm starting to write longer chapters as more is happening.**

**This chapter was pretty much introducing Rima and Yaya, so there was a shit load of dialog that you guys probably don't wanna read. Sorry about that. Next chapter will start having some drama since this fanfiction **_**is**_** supposed to be romance and drama. ;D**

**Before I forget, I wanna talk a little bit about the reviews. I have to admit, I really hate short reviews. So I wanna thank everyone who gives me reviews that actually have content. I wanna thank iHopelessMasquerade for giving me a super long review. I appreciate that you gave me alot of your thoughts! :D**

**By the way, thank you to the people who take the time to read all this cause most of you probably just skip it. So special thanks to the people who **_**do**_** take the time to read this. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! I'd appreciate thoughts, comments, and constructive criticism. :3  
**

**Okay, **_**now**_** I'm done bullshitting. xD**

Recommendation

Fanfiction: Matchmaking Process

_This is a reeeeeaaaalllyyyyy old fanfiction, but I have to say, it's definitely my favourite. The pairing's Amuto and the romance is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Go read it! It's only eight chapters, but those are eight fantastic chapters! It's written by Hikari no Kokoro. 8D_


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